One of the most important keys we can focus on is often our relationships.

With ourselves, our partners and those that are important to us in our lives.

When it comes to these relationships and the question of love it can leave many people feeling unsure about what to do, what to say and how to act.

They can be confused by what people do or don’t do and why they respond better or worse with certain people in their lives.

Very recently I learned that there is more to this than we realise and that actually, with a better understanding of love language, we can build better relationships with the important people in our lives.

What is love language?

Love language is the language we speak when expressing love, it’s how we show our love for others and how we receive it back. This may be in our actions and through our physical touch, or it may be through our words and how we speak to others.

Everyone feels and expresses their love in different ways, which can cause confusion, upset and misunderstandings between partners but by knowing your love language and being clearer on the meanings, you can build stronger relationships with those in your life.

The love languages

So we know that love language is how we show and receive love, but what are the different languages? Well, there are 5 all together and each has its own unique features.


People that show their love through touch typically physically touch their partners and find this important. It may be holding hands as you walk or stroking your partner’s hair as you watch a movie or lay in bed.

For some people, these can be small tactile displays of affection whereas for others it can be big hugs and huge displays of affection.

People that speak this love language show their love this way and enjoy receiving it back.

But if you or your partner doesn’t enjoy this, it doesn’t mean you don’t love each other, it’s just not your language. Some people hate public displays of affection and don’t like to be touched, it doesn’t mean they don’t love you, that’s just not how they express their love.

Acts of service

Some people express their love by actually doing something for their partner.

Cleaning the house, washing the dishes, giving back rubs and massages, if someone speaks this love language they show their love by doing acts of service for you.

But if only one of you speaks this language it can lead to issues and can lead to one of you feeling unloved.

The key here is to understand this and to reciprocate the love so that both parties feel loved and valued.

Receiving gifts

Some people show their love through things and this may be you. It doesn’t mean you’re materialistic, as it can be small things like flowers or sentimental gifts but it does mean you see this as an expression of love.

Again if only one of you speaks this language it could lead to resentment if the gifts are a one-way street.

The key here is to understand the expression of love and to reciprocate it both ways.

If this is your language, you shouldn’t demand gifts from your partner and expect them back and if it isn’t, you shouldn’t use it as an excuse to not buy your partner anything.

With words

People that speak this love language express their love through words.

I love you, I miss you, I’m just calling to see how you are, people that speak this language say how they feel and put their love into words. Equally, people that speak this language can be affected much deeper by hurtful words or misguided comments.

Some people can find this annoying whereas others love it, just remember if this isn’t your love language, someone that speaks this language isn’t being excessively needy, they’re just expressing how they feel.

Time together

Some people show their love by being present in the moment and spending quality time together.

They want to give their undivided attention to their significant other and give them all of their focus and energy.

It can sound simplistic to think that this is a sign of affection but in today’s world with Smartphone’s and TV and social media, it can be easy to not be present with the ones we love.

If only one of you speaks this language it can cause arguments as the party that isn’t ‘present’, is accused of not showing love to the other, but just remember, each language is different and all affection isn’t expressed the same way.

If you don’t speak this language but your partner does, just be thoughtful and considerate about when you are on your phone and make the effort to be present when they want you there.

Love languages are not singular and it is possible to speak more than one, the thing here is to assess your type and to figure out which one you and your partner speak the most.

By recognising your love language and understanding their own, you can start to build a strong, more loving and more prosperous relationship with the people that matter to you in your life.